we are sitting in a small room, dim-lit
betcha thought I quit, but here I am regaining my sanity bit by bit
and if I ever tie the knot, I won’t care if he meant what he did
I dissipate in this warm light, and I laugh like a little kid
it’s just these growing pains, old scars and new bloodstains, and I grind my teeth through it all like a goddamn Sisyphus
and yes to me it still matters, I aim to bear significance
and it is no coincidence or sleight of hand, I clawed my way out of the meat grinders and I still stand
and I find myself in the grandest of rooms, witty remarks and the crown jewels
and this dress that I’m wearing feels like a size too big
but I’m wearing it well and no one can tell cause I juggle Saison Russe with Realpolitik
and if anyone asks if I’m blue
I tell them
I’m just fine
oh my
all the heart lines I drew
they don’t know
how I said goodbye
they don’t know
how I buried my face in my hands, eyes closed
mouth dry
phone calls, act fast, airfare, two stamps
suitcase, can’t break, survive, survive
they don’t know how I said goodbye
yet it’s there
right under my rib cage
a flower, a flare
the many faces I wear
the armour and the warfare
comes through when I own the stage
comes out when I turn the page
the days go by, and I’m burning the midnight oil, wondering when I might ever be back on my home soil
where the cherry blooms, and the dearest rooms smell of carpets, old photo albums and chicken pie
I remember my name but it often escapes me where I began,
but my gait is steady and I know I’m ready to stretch the limits of what I can
and if anyone asks if I’m blue
I will cover my hand with a heart line broken in two
I sit on the floor, you tell me a joke and I laugh like a little kid
and if I close my eyes, I can kind of pretend it’s alright like you always did

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